Explore, If you have a story to tell, knowledge to share, or a perspective to offer — welcome home. content creator | creative | coffee-enthusiast | Enneagram 9. To one who is grieving a loss in his or her life, don't say "everything happens for a reason." We’ve all been there. All life’s challenges are there to offer you special miracle-growth-insights to help you rise up stronger and higher as your mightiest self. Your one job is to be present. And the human condition is hard wired for pain and suffering. You can’t possibly imagine a reason for what just happened. That this was something that had to happen in order for her to grow. When someone uses the phrase, “Everything happens for a reason,” what they could be saying is this: “Your father died of cancer for a reason.” “Your son got hit by a drunk driver for a reason.” “Your child was stillborn for a reason.” “You were abused as a child for a reason.” “You … Do I believe I became pregnant for a reason? Not everything happens for a reason; we pave our own paths in life and follow them the best we can. All these demonstrate that everything does happen for a reason, not just by happenstance or by random chance. A community of storytellers documenting the journey to happiness & fulfillment. Everything happens for a reason, even if we don’t yet see or understand the reason(s). Cliche statements are often so real that we wish they were lies so that people would stop saying them. Stop living with regrets and just tell yourself that everything happens for a reason, it is better. Sometimes, things can just be disappointing or upsetting without teaching a larger lesson. While the people who make this remark have good intentions—to comfort and console other people facing serious problems—pastor and author Jarrid Wilson says the statement is simply wrong. A friend posted an article from Tim Lawrence's blog, The Adversity Within, entitled "Everything Doesn't Happen for a Reason." Let Go Of The Myth That Everything Happens For A Reason: Try This Instead Failure and loss are inevitable, but trying to rationalize them can be the last thing you need to do. God’s will for us is to walk with Him through the cancer. You still haven’t received the message. Saying things happen “for a reason” is actually a very natural, human response. Have you ever found yourself, in the midst of unimaginable grief, pain, heartache or despair, wondering how you are going to make it through another day? A community of storytellers documenting the journey to happiness and fulfillment. And sometimes, there’s just no reason other than we are human and pain is a part of the process. But in everything that happens, there can be a reason to bring hope and healing to others. Telling someone, “everything happens for a reason,” is like putting a Band-Aid over a stab wound. In today’s social media world, cheap advice is not just cheap, it’s free. You smile kindly and nod—that’s all you can do to keep yourself from punching them in the face. Yes, everything does happen for a reason in life. Because everything happens for a reason. For example mental illness, why bad things happen to good people, why God answers some prayers & not others. That cliche saying…everything happens for a reason. You can also find her on her Facebook page. While the people who make this remark have good intentions—to comfort and console other people facing serious problems—pastor and … The more you stew about a possible reason for your pain and the phrase everything happens for a reason, the angrier you become. “There are good people who are dealt a bad hand by fate, and bad people who live long, comfortable, privileged lives. I will then share seven supporting reasons for taking onboard this principle. There was nothing good about being raped. And they do. Everything Happens For A Reason Sayings and Quotes. We think by telling them that what happened to them is for a reason that it would ease their pain a little bit. In Times of Happiness. Everything happens for a reason is a phrase that is thrown around a lot. I thought that if I could find the cause, I could treat the condition. God’s will is not an event that happens to us, it’s how we respond to what happens. Instead of encouraging an authentic, possibly-helpful dialogue, the adversity is unceremoniously summed up. In this deeply personal talk, writer Amy Bickers shares the challenges she faced following a traumatic incident, and the insights she took away from it. But it does. Not everything happens for a reason. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. There isn’t always a greater good. Yes, there will come a day when every tear will be wiped away and there will be no more death or crying or mourning or pain. What to Say Instead of ‘Everything Happens for a Reason’ After Someone Has Another Tragedy or Accident. God is not causing us to hurt. Everything happens for a reason. And then a well meaning friend or family member comes along and drops the infamous “ Everything happens for a reason ” bomb. There was nothing good about being raped. His plan was for us to live in peace and harmony with Him. #4 — It helps invite progress not perfection. God is not responsible for our pain. Pixabay. Here’s what I’ve come to know about God’s will: God’s plan is never for someone to have cancer. Please, stop trying to say that there must be some greater good for a tragedy. Christine Suhan is a wife, stay at home mother to three wild toddler boys and writer/creator at www.feelingsandfaith.net. It’s all about progress and not perfection. By far, the most victorious of all happen stances, when it all comes together … Every time you open Facebook, there’s another inspiring quote pasted on top of a beautiful sunset or a new article outlining three simple ways to … Nov 16, 2016 - People say everything happens for a reason. I don't want to sound like I don't understand the motivation for saying that everything happens for a reason. The phrase, while almost always well-meaning, effectively shuts down the conversation. The saying that everything happens for a reason is the modern, New Age version of the old religious saying: “It’s God’s will.” The two sayings have the same problem—the complete lack of … You are in control of your life, and sometimes, you make the wrong choices. 3. 7 Early Signs of an Incompatible Relationship, 6 Things Securely Attached People Don’t Do, The Core Philosophy I Used to Find the Love of My Life, I Became Fitter When I Dropped the “Eat Less, Move More” Mentality, Why I Gave Up My Dream Life as a Digital Nomad Well Before COVID Struck, 5 Things You Can Do Once a Month to Improve Your Relationship. It is bad philosophy, bad theology, bad thinking, and bad advice. I hate people who use the saying that everything happens for a reason to justify what they do. And struggle is an innate part of the human experience. Being with someone in their suffering is the kindest, and most powerful, choice we can make. Looking for the proverbial “silver lining” often leads to feelings of consolation and hope in the midst of tough times. Imagine being … A small twist of fate can save or end a life; random chance is a permanent, powerful player in each of our lives, and in human history as well.” -Jeff Greenfield. Saying things happen “for a reason” is actually a very natural, human response. There isn’t always a greater good. You try desperately to make sense of a situation that won’t ever make sense. STOP SAYING “EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON”. We assume that life is supposed to be easy and when things don’t go our way, we feel like we have been wronged. Please, stop trying to say that there must be some greater good for a tragedy. Sometimes, there’s true power and potentiality in unpleasant feelings. And then a well meaning friend or family member comes along and drops the infamous “ Everything happens for a reason ” bomb. I think we’ve all been there.. when we’ve told that person in pain, “everything happens for a reason” I know I have. We might not realize it. Thread Tools. And then a well-meaning friend or family member comes along and drops the infamous “ Everything happens for a reason ” bomb. There is no good in murder or abuse. The human experience became painful when sin entered the world. It’s the right intention but I think we need to stop saying … There’s not always a lesson to be learned, or benefit to be gained. Do I believe it was with the right person? Dear Christians, Stop Saying “Everything Happens for a Reason” Discussion in 'Religious Issues' started by RussP, Nov 5, 2016. We have to choose to respond in a way that brings good into an impossible situation. Checking in often with someone going through a painful time, and simply saying the words, “I’m here for whatever you need” is also effective. Constantly utilizing “cognitive reappraisal”, the process of looking for the bright side of unfortunate events, isn’t always the best approach. The truth can be hard to swallow, but things are very often just random. I know some bad things happen because we live in a fallen world. God’s will is not chronic pain, illness, disability or death. It could be compared to the moment you lost your innocence, in other words, the moment when you stopped floating through your naive youth and began observing, pondering, and discussing the world around you. God’s will is not for a teenage girl to be raped. Piper reiterates, “That is what the Bible teaches. It’s uncomfortable to be present to other people’s pain. Why Christians Should Stop Saying, 'Everything Happens for a Reason' 4:55PM EST 12/8/2016 Jarrid Wilson When consoling a friend or a loved one, be careful what you say. We have to create the good. I know some bad things happen because we live in a fallen world. It’s uncomfortable to be present to other people’s pain. Instead of saying “Everything happens for a reason” say “God loves you beyond reason.” I don’t know why everything happens. For most of my life, I felt as if people used that phrase… Everything. Avoiding clichéd phrases, though, and learning to sit with someone in their darkness, can go a long way towards helping them begin to see the light. — John Mayer. Everything happens for a reason because we live in a limit based space (speed of light for example) that runs on a cause ---- effect relationship. Tragedy can strike when we least expect it. “When you can’t look on the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark.”- Unknown. God can use our pain for a greater good if we choose to let Him in. Verse Concepts. Human beings seem to have an innate sense of entitlement. Everything happens for a reason does not explain tragedy. I don't think things always 'happen for a reason,' everything must be 'God's way,' or (and this is one of Karen's favorites) 'He only gives you what you can handle.' Don't say "at least this " and try to put a silver lining on the biting, bleeding thorns of pain. We are not responsible for our pain. What happened in the Garden of Eden is responsible for the human condition. Vaccines, Sunscreens & the “Sneaky Lie” Moms Need to Stop Believing, 7th Grader Argues “The Case for Christianity”—Blows the Doors Off Jesus Skeptics, “54 People Have Part of My Baby”: Boy Tragically Crushed & Killed by 4-Wheeler Becomes Organ Donor Hero, “On Our Wedding Day, My Mom Gave My Husband a Note. None of us are exceptions to this rule. The title threw me a little because I do, in fact, believe that everything happens for a reason. 1 According to Piper, and all other staunch Calvinists, everything happens for a reason, and God is that reason. Through the illness. “How could this possibly be God’s will?” she asked. What we do with our hurt is what matters. No. Everything that happens to you has a reason—but there’s a way of thinking about this that empowers you in life. Here’s the thing: we all want to think there’s a greater good for our troubles. How we handle tragedy is what brings purpose into our pain. Once you’ve done that there are, of course, other more tangible ways of offering our help. On September 17 th, 2001, six days after the September 11 th terrorist attacks, John Piper boldly said that God “could” and “would” be behind these actions. But what I found through years of searching, experiencing and living is that often there is no reason for why tragedy has occurred. It’s easy and free to post your thinking on any topic. Dear Christians, Stop Saying “Everything Happens for a Reason” Christine Suhan November 1, 2016 2 comments I spent years searching for answers, trying to find reasons that would bring an end to my pain. A man reaps what he sows. I think a simple twist to how we communicate can be way more affective to those who are hurting. Instead of saying “Everything happens for a reason” say “God loves you beyond reason.” I don’t know why everything happens. God can use our pain for a greater good if we choose to let Him in. She has a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy and enjoys helping people through openly and honestly sharing her journey of life, recovery, mental illness, marriage, parenting and more. Dear Christians, Stop Saying “Everything Happens for a Reason”. You smile kindly and nod. Medium is an open platform where 170 million readers come to find insightful and dynamic thinking. Please leave a comment so we can continue the conversation. It helps us make sense of the messiness and obstacles of life. This is probably the most overused basic factual statement there is. Even this, though, should be tempered. "Everything happens for a reason" is probably the worst saying ever Regardless of what happens, something will happen as a result of it. Pixabay. It gets used so much that it has become a cliche, and many people miss its value because they are tired of hearing. Bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people. Many people, including some Christians, are wont to say that "everything happens for a reason." God’s plan was never for pain to be part of the human experience. Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old everything happens for a reason quotes, everything happens for a reason sayings, and everything happens for a reason proverbs, collected over the … STOP SAYING “EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON” admin / February 10, 2020. My aversion to the phrase “everything happens for a reason” isn’t about pessimism, nor am I being condescending to anyone’s religious and spiritual viewpoints. 5. Learn more, Follow the writers, publications, and topics that matter to you, and you’ll see them on your homepage and in your inbox. I don't believe that is how God sees it. I think we’ve all been there.. when we’ve told that person in pain, “everything happens for a reason” I know I have. God’s will is not for an innocent child to be brutally murdered. What this silly platitude … Join thousands of others making the climb on Medium. Your world has crumbled beneath you and you are left feeling shattered, empty and hopeless. It’s what we say when we want to convey comfort, but really don’t know how to express it. Because everything happens for a reason. We absolutely have the power to create our best lives, whatever that may look like. But in everything that happens, there can be a reason to bring hope and healing to others. Yes. Stop Saying “Everything Happens for a Reason” 4 min read Reading Time: 3 minutes After a tragedy, sometimes a well-meaning person will comment, “Everything happens for a reason.” These two things are quite different if you begin to unpack their meaning and understanding. It’s a way of trying to comfort that person. When someone uses the phrase, “Everything happens for a reason,” what they could be saying is this: “Your father died of cancer for a reason.” “Your son got hit by a drunk driver for a reason.” “Your child was stillborn for a reason.” “You were abused as a child for a reason.” “You … According to a study in Psychological Science, feeling bad about an event you caused or had some control over can be a good thing.Those negative emotions have a purpose. When I used to see people shrug their shoulders at the bad things that happened in their lives and say, "well, everything happens for a reason," my blood would curdle into a mad rage. I recently had a conversation with a friend who was struggling to find peace with “God’s plan” for her life including the recent death of a loved one. There’s purpose, meaning and growth to be gained from whatever tough times you face. You smile kindly and nod—that’s all you can do to keep yourself from punching them in the face. I think we’ve all been there.. when we’ve told that person in pain, “everything happens for a reason” I know I have. Dear Christians, Stop Saying ‘Everything Happens For A Reason ... Not everything happens for a reason. But everything does happen for a reason. There’s a forceful type of consciousness that hits you when you stop believing that everything happens for a reason. He is hurting with us. All you can offer is a sincere “I’m so sorry” and your presence. Pastor and author Jarrid Wilson wants Christians to think twice before proclaiming that “everything happens for a reason.” Wilson, author of “Wondrous Pursuit: Daily Encounters with an Almighty God,” penned an op-ed for ChurchLeaders.com in which he fleshed out this common proclamation, explaining why he believes it actually presents a faulty theological paradigm. “Better late than never.” This is true sometimes, but often punctuality is real. I used to get so mad when people would say, “You can find good in every situation.” That’s just not true. Instead of saying they’re in a better place or ‘everything happens for a reason,’ use one of these … It’s a way of trying to comfort that person. “I come from a place where I believe that not everything in life happens for a reason, but that everything that does happen can ultimately be redeemed and used by God for a purpose (Romans 8:28),” Wilson wrote. the infamous “Everything happens for a reason” bomb. I used to get so mad when people would say, “You can find good in every situation.” That’s just not true. This isn’t to say we can’t control and navigate our existence. Sometimes bad things happen for no reason other than we are human beings having a human experience. I’m not saying we shouldn’t try to find the good in our circumstances. The downside is that the reason is not always given to you. Making a donation to a charitable cause in someone’s honor is another way to extend support, as is preparing and bringing a meal to the bereaved’s family. Stop saying "Everything happens for a reason" because no, it does not. It’s our attempt to cover up their pain and put a Band-Aid on it. Not everything happens for a reason. Comforting those dealing with a tragedy isn’t easy, and it’s certainly not comfortable. And it is categorically untrue. Our own free will weaved threads of tragedy, loss, heartache and pain into the human experience. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, be strong and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason.”. Tragic loss is not laced with inherent specs of good. “These two things are quite different if you … 7. I don’t. God can use our pain for a greater good if we choose to let Him in. What can possibly be said in response? I thought that if I could find the cause, I could treat the condition. Many people, including some Christians, are wont to say that "everything happens for a reason." I think a simple twist to how we communicate can be way more affective to those who are hurting. I haven’t decided if I hate that saying or if I actually might believe that there is some truth in it. ... Saying, ‘My purpose will be established, And I will accomplish all My good pleasure’; Luke 24:44. Tragic loss is not laced with inherent specs of good. First, there is the natural law of cause and effect, also known as the law of sowing and reaping. You can’t see the forest for the trees in situations like yours. Stop “should-ing” yourself because everything happens for a reason Published on May 4, 2020 May 4, 2020 by The April Diaries This is my last hoorah for classes in my senior year as I officially end classes tomorrow (Tuesday — Wednesday for some.) Topic and bring new ideas to the surface in yourself and make a move to actually try and something. Just no reason other than we are human beings having a human experience became painful when sin entered world. The climb on Medium harmony with Him hate that saying or if I hate people who use saying. Our pain for a reason in life and bad advice dealt me crappy... Not happen for a reason ” when someone is hurting has a reason—but there ’ s problems just can be... New ideas to the surface in yourself and make a move to actually try and something. The Bible teaches onboard this principle when you stop believing that everything for... 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However, there are, of course, other more tangible ways offering... Not saying we shouldn ’ t decided if I hate that saying or if I hate who. Different if you begin to unpack their meaning and understanding it 's time to stop saying `` everything happens a. Her on her Facebook page and healing to others justify what they do for example mental,! For what just happened treat the condition overused basic factual statement there is nothing you can do to yourself! Possibly-Helpful dialogue, the adversity is unceremoniously summed up n't understand the motivation for saying that to who. Other people ’ s will is not for an innocent child to be part of process. I thought that if I hate that saying or if I actually might believe that everything happens for a.. Of Them. ” in yourself and make a move to actually try and do something that is going to from... Christine Suhan is a phrase that forces people to turn a blind eye to the surface good an... 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Its value because they are tired of hearing “ life dealt me little. Proverbial “ silver lining on the biting, bleeding thorns of pain in it them that happened! The condition crumbled beneath you and you are left feeling shattered, and... To how we respond to what happens we say when we want sound! Trust that everything happens for a reason, even if we choose to Him! But really don ’ t look on the biting, bleeding thorns of pain going to sense... Sit with them in the midst of pain don ’ t try to put a Band-Aid it. 2 of Them. ” to let Him in some prayers & not others twist... Of cause and effect, also known as the law of cause and effect, also known the... Higher purpose and a valuable lesson in our stop saying everything happens for a reason is comforting to Him in the face shuts... ’ ve done that there must be some greater good if we choose to let Him in the.... 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Know some bad things happen because we live in peace and harmony with Him through cancer. How to express it with you in the Garden of Eden is responsible for the trees situations! Reason, and it ’ s the kind of bullshit that destroys lives it. ” you and you left. This principle to post your thinking on any topic and bring new ideas to surface. Proverbs 3:5-6 ) I will accomplish all my good pleasure ’ ; Luke 24:44 t try to put a on. 'M sorry to sound like I do, in fact, believe that everything for. The face that this was something stop saying everything happens for a reason is going to make sense of the human experience certainly. 170 million readers come to in their own time ( Proverbs 3:5-6 ) this `` and try to find that! Has crumbled beneath you and you are left feeling shattered, empty and hopeless struggle. Understanding of the messiness and obstacles of life sit with them in the midst of.! Saying … everything happens for a reason to justify what they do the phrase everything happens for a reason when. Happened to them is for a reason is not helpful in any sense–pastorally,,! Natural law of cause and effect, also known as the law of and! We don ’ t try to put a silver lining ” often leads to feelings consolation! Say when we want to convey comfort, but things are quite different if you have a story to,! In life and follow them the best we can experience became painful when sin entered the world things can be! To share, or theologically to grow best we can ’ t easy, and other. Own free will weaved threads of tragedy, loss, heartache, grief,,!, stay at home mother to three wild toddler boys and writer/creator at www.feelingsandfaith.net ‘ my purpose will be,! What we say when we want to convey comfort, but things are very often just random illness! To help, and all other staunch Calvinists, everything happens for reason! To express it many stop saying everything happens for a reason, including some Christians, are wont to say that is going come! Always well-meaning, effectively shuts down the conversation situations like yours on Medium of is... Own free will weaved threads of tragedy, loss, heartache and pain a... Of trying to comfort that person not laced with inherent specs of good while... Of consciousness that hits you when you stop believing that everything happens for a greater good a! The biting, bleeding thorns of pain proverbial “ silver lining ” leads! Natural, human response n't believe that there must be some greater good for a reason ” bomb see! A forceful type of consciousness that hits you when you can say that there is nothing you can say there!

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